What is real
by diajai326
Summary: Esme and Carlisle are no more. After about 300 years you would think Carlisle knows who he really is. You thought wrong. After one of his 'episodes', Carlisle starts to question what he is. Or who he is. Needing help of forgetting Esme. He finally decides to try something new. With the help of Leah, he has finally discovered What is Real.
1. Chapter 1

**Warning: This story wont be exactly like twilight. Ive decided to make up some stuff soooo yeah...**

Chapter One 

**Disclaimer: ****I own nothin' but the plot...**

**Esme's POV**

I have to tell him. I have to tell Carlisle that im in love with someone else. All of this was a lie, we were never mates. I don't even think I was ever, really in love with him. I have to tell him.

Shit.

**Emmetts POV**

It was one of those days. you, know, those dreary rainy days when you know that somethings going to happen.

It was another rainy day in the small town of Forks, and I could still feel the tingling in my balls. Something was going to happen, and it was killing me, not knowing what it was. Luckily, I have a bratty little sister that just might know whats going on.

"ALICE!"

"I know, I know, I can feel it too, somethings going to happen...Emmett, when is the last time you've had an 'episode'?

" About ten years ago, why?"

"Because, its been about 25 years since calisle has had one last, and there supposed to happen every 15..."

"Yeah..."

"Every time I look into his future, I see him either crying, breaking things, or...leaving."

"Carlisle's, leaving?"

"That's the thing, I cant tell if these visions are certain. I've tried looking into Esmes future but its almost impossible because she keeps changing her mind, and I think she's doing it on purpose."

"JASPERRRRR!"

" What do you want Emmett?"

"Whats Esme feeling?"

"Regretful, guilty, sad, angry, but mostly guilty"

"What's Carlisle feeling?"

"Angry, sad, confused, happy, mad...bad"

"Emmett, Alice, what the hell is going on"

"Carlisle's gonna have an 'episode'"

"Remind me what that is again"

" An episode, is when our kind goes through what I call "The Stage." I guess you could say they're kind of like hormones for vampires, but you know...different shit goes down."

"Like what Emmett"

"Well instead of them being just hormones, there more like a person that is hiding on the inside of you is doing its best of eating its way out."

"Okkkk..."

"You probably dont even know that this person was inside you, so its even worse when unexperienced shit heads try to hide it. You'll start feeling more human and care free, but you ony get more things only more complicated. Carlisle hasnt had one in years. Alice thinks its going to be really bad."

"So what your telling me, is that Carlisle is about to turn into an uncontroloable bad ass?"

"Pretty much"

I couldn't believe it myself, Carlisle was actually going to loose his cool. Maybe this isnt so bad after all.

Before I know whats happening Eddie boy is tackiling jasper to the ground mumbiling something about Esme.

"What the fuck is your problem Edward?"

"Esme's been cheating on Carlisle"

"With who"

"Aro"

**SOOOO what you think? Reveiws keep me comin back!**

**I Know this chapter was short the others will be longer I promise!**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

**Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHIN!...But the plot :)**

Edward's POV:

I am still unsure of what to make of this. To know that the women that I have trusted since I have been changed would betray Carlisle like this is heart breaking. I'm sure that if I had a heart, it would be heavy. Alice, Jasper, Emmett and I have all been sitting around the house staring at, well, nothing really. This day in particular is very dreary. The atmosphere in the air lingers, and it is very heavy.

Death at a funeral-that's what it feels like.

It has been about seven hours since any of us has uttered a word. I know I am this creature who shouldn't care if pee fell from the sky, but the silence is making my skin crawl. I bet if I listened hard enough, I could hear Aro preparing for his next meet with Esme.

Tired of the silence, I finally decided that I couldn't take it anymore.

"Someone please say something" I said

"Are you really sure of what you just said?" asked Jasper.

"What the hell do you think Jazz?" I said

"What exactly led you to believe that Esme is _cheating_ on Carlisle with _Aro_, Edward?" Asked Jasper.

"What the hell do you think... I CAN READ MINDS REMEMBER?" I said or yelled/ shouted.

By this point in Jasper and I's conversation, we were both standing defensively.

"Well Edward what the hell was she THINKING?" asked Jasper.

"The last time I read Esme's mind, the only thing that was on it was seeing Aro again!"I said.

Dead Silence. Great

At least the others learned how to talk again.

"That's it?" asked Alice. "Just...Aro?"

"that's it" I answered.

"Why would she do this?"asked Emmett "Esme and Carlisle were supposed to be...mates"

"Well I guess not" I said

"I should of known" Exclaimed Jasper," The emotions that Esme were projecting weren't out of the ordinary. First, she starts to feel bored, then, all of a sudden she is the happiest she's been in almost all of her years. I should of known. Goddammit I should have known!

'Well, Rose, Carlisle, and Esme will be back from their hunt pretty soon. In the mean time, we need to figure out what the hell were gonna do about the fucking change that Carlisle is about to make" Said Emmett

"While we were...processing the news that we just heard, I ugh, I had a vision..." Said Alice.

"well...oF WHAT!"Everyone in the room yelled.

"Well, I was there, and you guys were there and rosalie was there and Car-"

"Get to the POINT!"Emmett Yelled.

"Esme plans on leaving a note and never coming back. Carlisle is... different, more so then I've ever seen him. His phases are going to be worse than they've ever been. Maybe it's because he hasn't had one in almost 30 years. Or, that he'll never see Esme again"Said Alice

"What, she just chooses to ignore us?"asks Jasper

"I dont know? Everywhere I look I see so many different things that are all tied to this situation, except Esme. She just disappears.

Out of nowhere I hear a very loud thumping sound from on top of the roof.

"Shit, they're back." Said Emmett "just act calm and collected"

"Rosalie" Emmett shouted, unnecessarily loudly, "could you come up here please?"

"what do you want?" She asks

"we need to have a very interesting conversation with Esme, but you need to get Carlisle out of the house." I said.

"Wait. what is this about" Asked Rosalie

"We will explain everything later" I said"Just do this for us please..."

"OK...,but the minute you get a chance, you better tell me what the hell is going on. "

"Okaaaaay, Okaaaaay, I will, just... go."

With hesitation, of course, Rosalie finally decided to find a time consuming reason that got rid of Carlisle.

"Caaarliiiisle...I neeed your heeeeelllp!" Rosalie yelled.

"What's with all the yelling?" I asked. "we could hear a human wiping there sneeze goo on a wall if we paid attention."

Wow, they just ignored me.

"Thanks guys, I love being ignored!" I said with loads of sarcasm.

Wow, they did it again.

"Are you guys ready to do this?" Asked Alice

"As ready as i'll ever be" I say

...Silence...

"If were gonna do this, we need to do this now." Says Jasper.

I love my family, they ignore me free of charge.

Esme's POV

It's been about 10 minutes since I've been back from my hunt, and I still cant get the fact that I have to talk to Carlisle about this situation off of my mind. Well, maybe, maybe I dont have to. It might be best if he could read what I have to say instead of me actually saying it. Yeah, that's what i'll do, i'll write him a letter.

_Dear Carlisle..._...

Very deep in thought, I didn't notice that my kids (apart from Rosalie) entered the room

Just as I sealed the letter I heard Edward say, "Esme, we need to speak to you."

As I looked around the room, I noticed that everyone looked a little tense, sad, and...angry?

"Guys, what is this about?" I asked, wincing at how weak my voice sounded.

"Esme..." Jasper says with question in his voice

"We know Esme, we know that you've been cheating on Carlisle." Said Alice with a tone that I have never heard from her before.

"Guys, Please just let me exp-"

"No you dont get an explanation" Said Edward very harshly.

"How could you do this to Carlisle, Esme, how could you ruin our family." Said Alice

"Alice I didn't think that I could ever ruin this family. I-"

"What did you think was going to happen then Esme?" Asked Emmett.

"I dont know, I- I-, at first it was innocent, but then-" Said Esme

"At first? Really? And then what?" Yelled Edward.

"I, I dont know what to say, What do you want me to-?" Responded Esme

" How could you do this to Carlisle, doesn't his feelings mean anything to you? Are you that cold hearted? Don't you have any idea how this will affect him? Or are you just way too caught up in Aro to consider anyone else's feelings?" Said Jasper.

That left me speechless.

"I think that's my cue" I said a few minutes later.

"Cue for what Esme?" Edward snapped.

"Cue to leave" I said.

"Wait, what-" Said Emmett.

"I would appreciate it if you passed this along" I Said as I handed Alice the letter.

"You cant just expect us to let you leave without talking to Carlisle first."

"I have to go now, thank you for letting me be your mother." I said making my way to the window.

"Esme-" They all yelled at once.

"Goodbye" I said and disappeared out of the window.

Carlisle's POV

"Rosalie, the next time you need to talk, just ask." I said

"OK Carlisle, I will." She said as I opened the door

When I walked into the house, the first thing I see, is the remainder of my children standing side by side in the main room with grief on their faces.

"Well good evening to you too."I said "Whats wrong"

"I think you should read this Carlisle" Said Alice as she held an envelop in her extended hand.

"What is it, whats wrong" I asked as I took the letter hesitantly.

No response

"Guys is everything okay? Where is Esme? Is she Okay?"I said.

"Carlisle...Esme's-" Said Alice

"Esme's what? Is she okay" I asked

"Esme's gone Carlisle." Said Edward

"What, what do you mean gone?" I said a little frantically.

"Esme left, Carlisle"

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**SOOOOOOO whatcha think about this chapter guys?!Please review! If I reach my personal goal of reviews I'll keep the chapters comiinnnn'! Ha Ha, alright thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed!**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Characters, but I do own the episodes!**

**Jasper's POV**

It has been four days. Four days since I could literally feel Carlisle's pain explode into the air. Four days since I could see the tears in his eyes that would never fall. Four days since I have last seen his face.

The last time that I saw Carlisle was four days ago. Eyes wide as saucers, mouth agape, and knees to the floor. Carlisle has been in his study for the last four days standing in one place, staring at _the letter_ that was personally addressed to him. If I didn't check through his window every two hours to see if he had some form of life in him I would have thought he was dead permanently.

I am completely against the fact that Carlisle's soul has left his body, but I've been told to leave him be. By Edward of course. But for some reason to him, I am always wrong. Well you know what, I don't give a fuck what he says.

"CARLISLE" I say, "CARLISLE, COME OUT COME OUT WHEREVER YOU ARE."

"What are you doing" Edward Said in a hushed whisper.

" What are _you_ doing" I say " He can hear us look at each other"

"Just leave him alone Jazz" He said

"No, this is not healthy man, he needs to get out of that room and act like the 22 year old that he is" I said

"Jazz-" Said Edward

"Fuck that shit, don't _Jazz_ me fool" I Said "He doesn't-"

Suddenly, we were interrupted by really loud banging sounds coming from upstairs.

"Carlisle" Edward said with question in his voice,"is everything alright up there?"

Slowly, Edward and I started making our way up the stairs very cautiously, we weren't even halfway to the top of the stairs when we heard Rosalie's big mouth say" What was all of that banging?"

"Carlisle" Edward and I answer somewhat simultaneously.

**Carlisle's POV**

Wow...I cant believe that I have been sitting here for four fucking days. I can't believe that I am that pitiful, that I have to get my kids to make sure that I haven't gone brain-dead or something. FML.

"CARLISLE" Said Jasper, "CARLISLE, COME OUT COME OUT WHEREVER YOU ARE."

"What are you doing" Edward Said in a hushed whisper.

" What are _you_ doing" Said Jasper," He can hear us look at each other"

"Just leave him alone Jazz" He said

"No, this is not healthy man, he needs to get out of that room and act like the 22-year-old that he is" Said Jasper.

As I listened to that ridiculously stupid conversation, I realized that Jasper was right, I do need to start acting like a 22-year-old, and that Edward was just being a dick... whoa, what the hell happened to my vocabulary. Wait , im not 22. What the hell is happening.

A few minutes later, I find myself staring at the stuff in my closet. As I looked into the deepest depths of the hell hole, I noticed that all I wear is old man clothes. That has got to go. Finally, I remember something useful. There was that one time when Alice tried to get me to look like I was 30 instead of sixty-five. So, I start digging, and even though my closet is bigger than my room and study put together, it doesn't take long, to find the box of 'appropriate' attire that I was looking for. As I am about to pull the box out of the closet for the first time in years, I notice that once I pull this box out everything else on the shelf will fall on my head. Whatever.

And I let it all fall.

BOOM BANG BAUNG.

Really loud banging sounds were made as the other boxes toppled to the floor, I just ignored them. The main priorities right now, were getting me into some clothes that didn't make me look retarded.

As I opened the box I noticed that it hadn't been open since Alice bought the clothes for me.

_Now what do we have here?_

Finally something useful. I silently thanked all that was holy as I slipped on the black button up and dark pair of jeans that Alice got me a few years back. As I put the final touches on my out fit, I froze as I looked at myself in the floor length mirror. I almost look like I did on the day that I died. Then it hit me. FUUUUUCK. _Again with the vocab. _

I'm having a fucking episode.

As I slipped on some shoes I realized that if people see me like this they will probably be asking questions. Fuck them. I also noticed that my choice of footwear is worse than my choice of clothing.

Another thought came to mind.

I've got to go shopping. With Alice.

_Well, fuck me sideways with a rusty chain saw._

I think it's about time I got out of this room. Or out of this house, I really need to get shit off of my mind.

As I made my way over to the door I heard Rosalie, Jasper, and Edward creeping up the stairs like I couldn't hear them.

_IDIOTS_

_"Here goes nothin"_ I thought as I opened the door to reveal them standing there with their mouths hanging open.

"Hi guys" I said as I tried my hardest to put on a fake smile that looked real.

"Carlisle?" Said Edward

"What happened" Said Jasper

"You look fuck hot awesome" Said Rosalie

"That means a lot coming from my kids" I said, my voice laced with sarcasm.

"Oh, really? Then just think of me as your long, long, long, lost distant cousin." Said Rose.

"Uhhhh... no thanks Rose. Have any of you seen Alice" I said as I brushed pass them.

"Uhh, She and Emmett went for a hunt, they'll be back later." Said Jasper, finally finding his voice.

"Oh yeah. Carlisle, I almost forgot. The pack wants us to meet them at the treaty line at six" Said Rosalie.

"Whatever" I said as I made my way out the door.

**Edward's POV**

That was strange. I do admit that Carlisle looked pretty bad ass, but that was out of line. Of all people, he should know that he can't just walk around Forks looking like himself. So irresponsible.

And what about Rose, why did she have to bring up the pack anyway. It would be so much better, if she didn't tell Carlisle about it. Then we wouldn't have to go. Fuck that stupid pack, and Jacob.

I still can't get over the fact that Bella left me for that filthy mutt. I am so much better than him, and I can't believe she thinks she knows that she is in love with that dog, after one kiss. And she waited until _after_ I killed Victoria to tell me. Fuck her.

I am dealing with enough as it is, Bella choosing _it_ instead of me, Esme leaving, and on top of _that_, Carlisle starts acting all shitty and irresponsible. Sometimes I wonder if it's really the episode and its effects or if it's just him being an ass.

**Jasper's POV**

Is it just me or does Carlisle look like my younger better looking brother? Well, yeah Carlisle got his spunk back, but the question is will his mood swings cripple me? Will his new attitude affect our way of life? If not, then that fucking awesome, but nothing good ever happens for the Cullen family.

At this point in time I am kind of concerned for Carlisle's peace of mind. I can tell that he is trying to hold all of his emotions in, he puts on a smile to cover up what he is really feeling but I can see straight through that bullshit. He is going to end up exploding. God help us all.

**Rosalie's POV**

Holy shit, Carlisle looks fucking amazing. It's amazing what just some normal clothes could do. I will definitely help him when he decides to toss the sweaters.

I think that this was supposed to happen for a reason. Esme found a mate, that means Carlisle has to have one to right? He, is smart funny, kind, rich and desirable, 's someone out there. There has to be. I think this is his chance to finally start over. By the way, I think he has already started shaping things up.

My _"dad"_ is hot, Who knew right?

**Emmett's**** POV**

When I walked in the house I noticed that everyone in the room looked like they've seen a ghost. I tried to get their attention a few times but all of them were just a little out of it.

Finally Rose noticed that I was in the room.

"Where's Alice" She asked

"She told me to go home, said she wanted to do some shopping. Why" I said

"Carlisle was looking for her" she said nonchalantly.

"Where is Carlisle" I asked

"I don't know" She said

"Well, do you guys know where he is?" I asked

"No" Said Edward and Jasper simultaneously.

I started getting annoyed by the lack of conversation that we were having so I made my way to the door.

"Where are you going" She said like she cared.

"Away from here, the silence is making me nervous." I said right before I fled from the scene.

**Alice's POV**

As I started to head home I realized that, that was the last place I wanted to be. So I told Emmett to go without me and headed to Port Angeles instead. I haven't been shopping in almost a week. I was almost proud of myself.

As I made my way over to one of my favorite stores, I spotted a very familiar looking blond out of the corner of my eye.

"Alice ?" He called

As I turned around I couldn't help the gasp that escaped from my lips as I saw who it was.

"Carlisle ?"

**What do you think about Carlisle's new attitude sooo far hmmm? Hope you liked it Pleeeeeeeease review!**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

**Disclaimer: No matter how depressing it is to admit, I do not own Twilight**

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**Leah's POV**

Today had been a long uneventful day. Besides the fact that big chucks of ice are falling from the sky onto my head repeatedly, this day has been very, very boring. Sam says something is happening. Something to do with those filthy bloodsuckers in Italy or wherever the fuck they live. I am guessing it has something to do with Bella the retarded wanna-be bloodsucking bitch. But I don't see why, since she dropped Edwin or Edmond or whatever his name is on his ass. Even though I completely despise the leeches, I would have helped them knock the stupid bitch out. Hell, I should do it now. Not for them, but for me. She doesn't deserve to be here, she doesn't deserve to cross the treaty line. Hell, she doesn't deserve Jacob. The only reason I kicked ass in that newborn war, was just that, to kick some newborn ass. I could give half a rats ass about her. Or the Cullen's. Or Sam. Or this fucking sorry excuse for a pack. The only thing that matters to me is Seth. I stopped caring for my mother when my Father died. 'Cause that was when I realized that she never gave a shit about us. So now I don't give a shit about her.

Sam said the mom of the leech clan, Esmé I think her name was, was asking for permission to cross the treaty line. Said she wasn't coming back to Forks. That was the only reason he let her through. I guess this was probably a shock to all of us considering she was the only one. So now that people are asking questions _someone_ had to open their big ass mouth and _suggest_ that we meet the Cullen's at the fucking treaty line. And unsurprisingly, it's the dick's Sam's fault that we have to have a fucking gay as fucking meeting with the fucking Cullen's. What the Fuck! And better yet, it starts in like five minutes. Fuck my life.

**Edward's POV**

"Alice, where the fuck is Carlisle, I thought you were with him" I said to a guilty looking Alice.

"I was with him, I might have lost him when I was looking at some shoes that I just had to have." She said thinking back to he shoes that she saw." And by the way, what happened to Carlisle, he looks fuck hot awesome"

"These episodes are ruining our fucking nature" I said

"Shut up Eddie, you know you like them" Said Alice

"Yeah, just as much as I like being called Eddie." I replied tiredly.

"Hey, Eddie, where's Carlisle?" Called Jasper

Ugh. That damn name again.

Before I could comment we realized that the wolves where approaching.

Great. Carlisle still isn't here.

Damn, Now I have to talk to him.

"Hello Sam" I say, with a sickly sweet voice

"One of you is missing" Said one of the wolves

"Yeah, where is Carlisle" Said Sam not hiding his bitterness very well.

"He couldn't be here today, but I know he is sor-

And just like that here comes some guy on a black Kawasaki with a black helmet to match, that nobody recognizes. When did Carlisle get a motorcycle?

Who is that guy and what did he do with my father.

**Leah's POV**

Wow. This is low, even for the stupid bloodsuckers. We ask to have a meeting with them and their leader, Carlisle I think his name was, doesn't even show up.

"He couldn't be here today, but I know he is sor-" Said Edward, yeah that was his name. It's still a stupid-

The next thing I know, I hear this noise, this very sexy noise. Sounds like a bike, but why would anyone be riding one out here.

As it stops I make a wild guess and say that the guy riding the bike was Carlisle. When did he get a bike. Damn, I hate to admit it, but that is pretty hot. Or it would be if they weren't bloodsuckers.

When the guy on the bike takes off his helmet I cannot stop the gasp that comes from my lips. Since when did he look so appealing? As Carlisle starts talking, I get a closer look at him. I know they are already supposed to be perfection but...Looking at Carlisle in his new clothes next to a fucking Kawasaki gets my all hot and bothered. As I look at him or stare at him rather, I start to take everything in. His face, his lips his golden orbs that invite you in, and that hair that has never looked so seductive. Hell, I didn't know he had bangs. I kept telling myself that it would be wrong to jump his bones and make him mine, but I think I started to lose my will, because I felt myself inching closer every few seconds. And then my eyes start to wander over his long form, taking in his well sculpted body. That's when I felt something. There was this twinge in my heart that just made me feel that I needed to be there. That I needed to be anything or do anything for him, For Carlisle. And that's when it hit me. Fuck. Fuckety,Fuckety Fuck. But still, I would really like to run my tongue all over that man...

I just imprinted on Carlisle Fucking Cullen.

Finally, snapping out of my trance I realized that I might have moaned as Carlisle started talking or even started drooling as I focused on his lips. And the whole pack might have notice. No, everyone there might have notice and where staring at me, like they expected me to want to talk to them. Well guess what, I don't want to talk to you, you useless bitches. Expect Carlisle. Sexy, sexy Carlisle. Oh yeah and Seth, can't forget about Seth.

"Leah, are you OK" Said a voice that stirred something in the lower half of my body all tingly.

"Ugh um, yeah I uh ...Uh Huh." I said just giving up.

"You sure do have a way with words" I heard someone say.

"Fuck off" I said " Are we finished here?"

"Not quite yet" Said Sam

"About two days ago, your wife Esmé asked us to cross the treaty line. We let her through, but before she crossed she told me to give you a message." Sam said as he handed a folded piece of paper to Carlisle.

**Carlisle's POV**

_Lay low, and stay out of Italy_

That's what the note said.

"Thank You" I said after a few short moments.

As I started to turn around I was stopped by a strong but curious voice.

"Well, what happened, between you and her anyway" Said the only girl in the pack that I recognized to be Leah.

"That's just it, there is no me and her." I said with a sad smile.

And with that, I was on my bike before anyone could say anything else. I didn't know where I was going but I wasn't going home. I looked at Edward and gave him a sad smile. He gave a small nod that said he understood. I really just needed to get away for a few days. I just really needed to forget. And so I got on the road and headed South, and that was that.

Then and there was when I realized something. I am just being me. It's not the episodes fault I'm behaving like this, even though I am thankful for the little push, I'm not out of line, well, not yet anyway, I have just been keeping myself, my _real _self locked up, and this is the only way it is able to get out because I have been doing everything for everyone else. And nothing for me. I have rehearsed and practiced and rehearsed this new thing we call a "life" over and over just to go along with what my kids want. Not that I don't want them to be happy, but after a couple hundred years of living in hell. I want to do something for me.

I start to think back to the "meeting" I just fled from. What a weird one it was. It made me realize that Esme and I were never meant to be. I was never her true mate. And she was never mine. But everyone doesn't always get mates. Fuck, I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life.

I also realized something else that night. That girl Leah- I really like the sound of her voice. I heard her moan when I started talking which is kind of weird, but Hey - I liked the sound of that to.

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**Disclaimer: Ha Ha Ha Heyy... Carlisle is finally starting to get a clue. What do you think is going to happen next? Please review!Constructive criticism encouraged!**


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